I spoke to a buddy lately, who was fighting some actions he had been taking that he did not particularly like. He said he was combating X and that put him in a bad state of mind which led him to really feel poorly about himself and he felt like he was in a slow spiral; one which needed intervening. We spoke for a while and came to some conclusions. One line of our conversation struck me, and it's a belief system that many individuals hold to be true and it is that we examine the worst in ourselves to one of the best of what we see in others. Read that again... The perfect of what "we see in others"... As Descartes has identified, our essential source of knowledge, our senses are sometimes faulty and therefore have to be doubted. Seeing one of the best in someone therefore needs to be doubted and critically analyzed as greatest we can.
Perception or Reality?
The line that stood out to me was "I see you, dwelling your life in America, you've got written a book and are having a great time". To which I replied, "we examine the worst in ourselves to the perfect in different folks". Have I been having a good time? Absolutely, however that's immaterial. A good time doesn't at all times imply happiness. My good friend, lets call him Albert (you understand his second name however that should be disclosed) was slightly taken aback once I told him, "don't be concerned, I have been in your position before".
In spring of 2014, I left my golf scholarship behind and moved back to Ireland. Upset, misplaced and stuffed with B.S, I thought I had every little thing figured out. I figured, college is only a system and a business which churns out graduates that go into low paying jobs to repay the debt, which they racked up of their four-6 years in college. I nonetheless consider that is the case but I now see through that and realize that the benefits of faculty are most frequently not from the school itself however from the individuals you meet, the locations you go and the experiences you have. After transferring house I wrote a book, another 'success', which my pal saw in me. Little did he know that when writing the book, I used to be upset, lost and intensely indignant with myself. Later, after writing and publishing the book, which obtained some recognition from golfers and other people I look up to, I began a company, which once more was one other 'success' in my life. Once more, I grew more and more anxious, upset and uneasy with myself. In the summertime of 2015, I decided to go back to college and pursue that dream once more because I figured I have to right the wrongs of my first try and I figured that the issue was not me, however the circumstances by which I found myself. Again, from the outside wanting in, this probably seemed great and seemed like wow; Daniel is doing effectively for himself again... but... one month in and FLOP... Major flop. I got here house for a few weeks in early October to get my head right which I did. In fact, my first attempt at college stateside had absolutely nothing to do with circumstance however fairly a young cocky head on young shoulders led me astray and going back with a slightly altered but still not clear mindset was setting me up for failure yet again. Thankfully, it didn't.
You are now thinking, "nicely thanks to your life story over the past three years however I really don't care", and I agree. You shouldn't. However there is a lesson in there. As my friend was on the outside looking in; all he saw was success, happiness and a guy who was actually, living his dream. From the inside looking out it was much different. All I noticed was a guy who was upset with himself, angry with himself and frustrated with the shortage of progress he was making in his life. I saw a guy who was a hindrance to society and somebody who probably wouldn't be missed too much if he was not here. While this instance is trivial, what it factors to is absolutely essential in our total wellbeing.
Seeing Via Your Biases
As we build our perceptions of different individuals, we regularly neglect that everybody is dealing with a battle you realize nothing about and I believe that is quite evident over the previous three years. The media helps build sport stars and celebrities as superheroes and constantly reminds us of the crises our world is in. We're made imagine that we're in this whirlwind for the long term and we won't get out and Spider-man that someway, the celebrities are immune to any distress or sadness. We're taught to look up to the individuals we need to be like as if they'll do no incorrect and we are made imagine in an all-powerful, all loving being who can also do no wrong. We are made to imagine that our life is set out for us and now we have no bearing on the direction or outcome of each and every day. All of these societal biases lead us down a path that make us evaluate the worst in ourselves to the perfect we see in others and that is what makes us feel much less powerful, more jealous and more insecure. We put our lack of success right down to not being the chosen one and we frequently say we don't have the resources. We've thoughts like, "well if I grew up like him/her, I would have completed even more than they have". However the question is rarely about a lack of resources however a scarcity of resourcefulness. Although success and happiness should not be determined by achievement, we are made consider that the perfect at their craft are the happiest and that they live life in a bubble which is all roses and glory. I can't say it isn't as I'm not one of the best at any of my crafts, but the more I study and hearken to other successful people, the more I realize that they're no completely different to you or me in that they battle with the identical self-defeating thoughts as we do.